What if
by whatdoesthefoxsayyyy
Summary: Sirius discovers he has feelings for his friend and fellow Marauder Remus, but that can't be happening to HIM, Sirius Orion Black, right? What will he do? Wolfstar :3 (I don't own anything from Harry Potter)


Authors note:  
Roses are red, violets are blue, Moony is in love… and Padfoot is, too! :D  
Hope you have fun reading this. Sorry if there are mistakes! Btw I'm not quite happy with the ending, so maybe I'm going to change it again. Tell me what you think! :)

It was a rainy autumn day. The wind rattled at the high windows in the Gryffindor common room. Peter, Sirius and Remus sat on their favorite armchairs by the fire. James was probably out somewhere with Lily. Since it was Saturday evening, there wasn't much to do. Everyone was still sleepy from the big party the Gryffindors had thrown last night to celebrate their victory over Ravenclaw in Quidditch and the homework had time until tomorrow (or, in Moonys case, were already done). After Peter went upstairs to the dorms because he had been falling asleep and woken up again from Padfoots pokes, it was quite boring for the raven-haired pureblood. Moony was reading as usual, with dark shadows beneath his eyes. It was the day before full moon.  
"Hey Moons, looking forward to for tomorrow?"  
"Shut up", the blonde replied growling.'  
"Oh, come on, it'll be fun! I'm glad at least something is happening again. With dear Prongs snogging Lily all day…"  
"Padfoot, seriously, I'm trying to read. Plus, it's no "fun" at all to turn into a monster once in a month." He lowered his voice at the last part, but there was no need to be quiet. Except them, the common room was empty.  
Sirius was surprised of this reaction. He wasn't used to Moony being so easy to annoy. Normally he was the most patient Marauder. Maybe it was because of the full moon, Sirius thought. He looked at his friend who had started reading again. His light brown hair fell into his forehead in soft strains and his amber eyes had a concentrated look. It was the first time Sirius got aware of the tiny golden sparkles in Remus eyes  
– and how pretty his face was in general, even though there were scars crossing the pale skin. Sirius had to admit that Remus was kind of cute. _If only he wasn't a boy…_ The thought suddenly crossed his mind. Padfoot pushed it aside angrily. What was wrong with him? In the last few weeks he had caught himself having thoughts like that, fantasies even. He had forbidden himself to think about this further, afraid of what he might discover. With a few words of explanation to Moony, the dark-haired Gryffindor went to search for James to get himself distracted.  
As soon as Sirius had left through the portrait hole, Remus dropped his book, not without marking his page of course, and sighted. Looking to the empty seat next to him where Padfoot had been sitting minutes ago, Moony sighted. _He is just perfection_, he thought and then: _If only he knew…_

Two days later Sirius strolled around the grounds. He was alone, what was quite unusual for him – normally there would be at least one of the Marauders with him or some girl. But today he didn't felt like having company, especially not female. He needed to think.  
Last night something strange happened. It was in the evening just before dawn when they all got ready for Moony's monthly transformation. Together they went towards the Whomping Willow. Sirius had been walking next to Remus, clearly noticing his shaking hands and even more pale face, when suddenly a wave of emotion flooded over him. He wanted to hug his friend, take his pain away and just tell him that everything was going to be okay. But most of all, he felt love towards the young werewolf, a kind of love he had never felt towards any girl. The feeling was so strong that Sirius almost stopped walking.  
"You ok?" asked James, who had noticed his friend's confused face. Sirius just mumbled something back and James shared a worried look with Peter.

This night was worse than others. The three boys had to use all their force to hold Lupin back from escaping the Shrieking Shack, but even in their animagical form they couldn't avoid him to destroy things and get hurt. At least the presence of them prevented the worst damages. Around 4 a.m., when Moony finally got calmer, Prongs and Wormtail left them alone for they couldn't stay awake any longer. It were still around three hours until sunrise.  
When Remus transformed back some time later, Sirius cared for his wounds. The young werewolf was so exhausted that his friend had to carry him piggyback. When they walked back to the castle, Moony suddenly whispered  
"Thank you, Padfoot. I'm so glad to have you."  
At first Sirius thought Remus was already sleeping. But then he responded "Anytime, Moons. And I'm glad to have you, too."  
It was just when they reached the dorms and finally fell into their beds that Sirius realized how much he really meant it.

And now he was here, sitting on a small rock by the lake, and wondering about what was happening with him. He, Sirius Black, the boy who had already been dating half the Hogwarts girls by his fourth year – was starting to fall for his male best friend? No way. Even thinking about this seemed wrong. But he couldn't deny the way he felt when he was with Moony. It wasn't a very familiar feeling to him. He had felt like this only with very few people before, and all of them had been girls – by now. _And what if…_ Sirius thought. _What if I really was, uhm, gay. That would at least explain why all my relationships with girls never lasted long. _  
Now that he was seriously considering this, he had noticed that there were actually a few gay couples at Hogwarts, and probably even more secret ones.  
Being lost in his own deep thoughts, the Gryffindor didn't notice another Marauder strolling down to him. It was James.  
"Whoa, Prongs, you scared the sh.. out of me!"  
"What are you doing down here, eh? All by yourself and stuff."  
"I could ask you the same thing", Sirius responded slightly annoyed. Was it really so strange for him not being with other people? But he was also a little bit embarrassed.  
"Well, I was just looking for you. You weren't at breakfast, and Moons said he hadn't seen you the whole morning. He sounded worried."  
When James mentioned Remus, the look on Sirius' face changed. Prongs didn't miss that.  
"I think I know the reason why you are here by the lake, all alone, on a free day even. It's about him, right? Moony?"  
His friend gave him a shocked look that only corroborated the suspicion he had.  
"How do you know?!" Sirius was speechless. "I mean, even I don't know what's wrong with me right now!"  
James just smiled. He knew Padfoot long enough to know what was going on.  
"Come on, Pads, really? You love him! It was actually pretty obvious once I started noticing. And that's not wrong, it's cute. Lily said that, too."  
"You two actually talk?" Sirius grinned. And then, after a small pause: "So even Lily knows it? Gods, I guess I should just go and make Dumbledore announce it at lunch."  
"Well, I guess he would be thrilled. But hey, don't divert from our topic! Am I right about Moony?"  
But the look on Sirius' face said everything.  
"Oh yes, I am. So now, my dear newly-gay-best-friend, you only have to tell him. Shouldn't be too hard for you, right?"  
"Shut up, James, ok? This is serious. It's completely different with a boy. And he is my friend! It could destroy everything. I need to think about that first."  
Sirius looked worried, but Prongs knew how to cheer him up.  
"Don't think too much, ok? Peter and I planned to have a bit fun by the lake on  
Friday - you know, the weather is supposed to be good and we still have this bottle of Firewhiskey…"  
"Great idea. And until then, I have enough time to think about the whole thing."  
"Think? You? Well, okay for me, Pads, but tell me when you've made a decision. I can help you, you know. I'm an expert at these things!"  
"Yeah, sure, Prongs. I'm gonna let you know."  
And with a triumphant grin, James left the laughing Padfoot.

While Sirius and James talked by the lake, Remus stayed in the common room. He was restless. The teachers gave them a free day because they had to discuss about some new security rules and he had planned to use the day for studying, but he couldn't concentrate on his books. Moony's mind circled around one person: his best friend and fellow Marauder Sirius, who he liked slightly too much. Remus had noticed these feelings for the first time at the beginning of their sixth year, and it had stayed until now. He had caught himself admiring Padfoot several times now, and it really confused him. It was just that he loved the way Sirius was himself. His look, his character and even his silly little habits like the way he flipped his hair.  
Not being attracted to girls that much was okay for Remus. He could never understand how James and Sirius were able to have long, detailed talks about girls and their features. But liking a boy in particular was new to him, too.  
Moony wondered what the other Marauders would say if he told them about it, without mentioning a name of course. But he knew the boys well enough to know that they would find out the name – if necessary by using Veritaserum. That was clearly not what he wanted to happen. Remus started saying things he shouldn't say even if he only had a few sips of Firewhiskey.  
And even if Sirius was attracted to boys (what was absolutely unrealistic), why on earth would he fall for a werewolf? _He had seen me transforming and attacking everything around me so many times now. Padfoot knows what a monster I am._  
Lupin sighted. _Better forgetting this whole thing now.  
_He put up his book again, but just in this moment James and Sirius climbed through the Portrait hole.

When the two boys told the other Marauders about their brilliant idea, Remus wasn't really enthusiastic. Unlike Prongs and Padfoot, he wasn't much into drinking because he thought it was just senseless. Also he was a bit afraid of what he might say once the alcohol was circulating in his veins. But now, on Friday evening, he was actually looking forward to their little party.  
They sat on a couple of small rocks near the Forbidden Forest. The setting sun was reflected by the lake and colored the clouds orange. Over the trees on the horizon the sky was already dark. The air was quite warm for an early day in October and they all had much fun. Lily came, too, and she brought some of her friends.  
Even Remus laughed a lot. He sat close to Sirius and it seemed like they were both quite enjoying the evening. With a knowing smile James noticed how happy they looked.  
Not long past midnight the girls announced that they were tired and would like to go back to their dorms now, and James, a gentleman through and through, accompanied them. He somehow also got Peter to do so.  
The two remaining Marauders weren't tired at all. Both a bit dizzy from the Firewhiskey, they decided to take a walk before heading for the castle.

They walked in silence beside each other. It was dark by now and the stars were shining bright. Remus looked up to the clear sky. There were so many things on his mind but he just couldn't figure out how to say them.

"Moony?" Sirius suddenly murmured.  
"Yes?"  
"I... I wanted to tell you something. Uhm... you know, you are a wonderful friend and I never want to lose you. Even though I maybe don't act like that sometimes, but…you are very important to me. Very, very important, actually.  
Remus saw his friend blushing. He was really moved by this honest words and he had to clear his throat several times until he was able to speak again.  
"Wow, Sirius, that… Thanks, I guess. And, you know, I'm feeling the same way."  
The boys were looking at each other, and suddenly, no more words were needed.  
Remus couldn't tell what had happened, but the next thing he knew were Sirius' lips on his own. He leaned in and kissed him back, tangling one hand in his silky black hair. This was better than everything he had ever dreamed of. 


End file.
